Stranded
August 30th, 2025
mood: given up
drinking: coffee
playing: last of us 2
watching: dune
temp: 73 F
It's been a while since I've written anything here, mostly because I have been so depressed by the events that happened this year, that I haven't had time or motivation to update. I decided to revamp some pages of my site so that it's a little more clean, and adding more content. I have been learning more css along the way so it's a good distraction for me. I don't really want to go into detail on what all has happened this year but it has certainly been on of the roughest of my life and I was torn on whether to post here anymore at all. I really wanted to archive the blog because I don't want my site to be so personal anymore in case something were to ever happen to me, but for now I think I'll just redo this page altogether. Anyway thats about all I wanted to share.
High Tide
March 18th, 2025
mood: excited
drinking: sprite
eating: hunan chicken
watching: harry potter 2
temp: 77 F
It's been about a week and a half at the new job and I am loving it so much I absolutely cannot wait until I finish my training. I actually even got a compliment on my knowledge of health insurances and got asked if I would like to train for surgery scheduler as opposed to doing scheduling and referrals. So we are trying it out this week since my trainer is going on vacay, and if it's not too much to handle I may just go for it. It makes like $5 more an hr than what I make now and knowing my clinic, we definitely need someone to focus on surgeries. That means close interaction with the doctor and nurses on our side of the clinic. Pretty excited where this is leading and I feel over qualified for my current job and knowing that they feel the same way is a huge boost to my mood. It's just what I've needed these past few months - something good to finally happen! Absolutely love working at this hospital so far! Overall better than the last job I got here at the competetion's ER. I've been going through the best training with fun people and it's been a really positive experience for me. Also my mom had her CAT scan today, and cancer free still!
Out with the old, in with the new
March 10th, 2025
mood: unsure/confused/conflicted
drinking: coke
eating: ice cream
watching: bobs burgers
temp: 67 F
First day at orientation for the new job was today. Went well other than I was supposed to go to main office which no one relayed to me. My ex decided to text me the other day out of nowhere and another wants to get back together. I have lots of new things planned for the website but I don't know where to start so I just don't do them lol. Need motivation. I feel so dead inside.
Untitled
March 2nd, 2025
mood: relaxed
drinking: sweet tea and whiteclaws
watching: fantastic beasts
temp: 69 F
Just got back from visiting my dad for the weekend. It's also next to last weekend before I start my new job which I'm super nervous about for some reason. I also got my new screwdriver set and harddrive reader so I'm taking apart all my old laptops and backing up files as old as 2014 omg. I'm sure there's a decent selection of old pixels too. Started smoking again after my 2 month hiatus, so everything feels right in my world again haha. Just posting to say I'll be doing some updating around the site and making some new content (probably more like replacing a lot of useless links I have up already). Expect to see more pixels from me! I've picked up pixel art again and trying to get back into the groove of it. Hope my fellow cajuns have a wonderful Mardi Gras weekend!
When It Rains It Pours...
February 22nd, 2025
mood: excited, overwhelmed
drinking: hard seltzers
watching: frozen
temp: 47 F
I've been feeling so alone lately until boom, 30 men decide to hit me up at once because I change my status to single. Ugh. Not going to lie though the attention is nice since feeling like I was getting none before. Not sure why all these young dudes think I want to date them but hey, it's nice to flirt sometimes. I guess I should've led with oh hey, I got a new job at the other hospital here! The one my mom used to work at back in the day. Specifically, I'll be at the OBGYN office at the new building they're putting up across campus. Pretty stoked, it was the easiest interview I think I've ever done, and yet I'm super excited for this oppurtunity. I want to stay there for at least a year or so to put on my resume before I think about moving back to the PNW. Need to save the money anyway, and I'll have a little left over to treat myself since I have gone without so much the past 2 years. Speaking of, its been 2 years. Since I left Medford. Since I left you. I'm still traumatized and grieving but hey I take it one day at a time and I am thankful for the few people that have stayed in my life despite the shit that happens in it. That's about all I have for today. Thank you to the friends on here who reached out, I appreciate that more than words can say! Love to you all!
Another New Chapter
February 18th, 2025
mood: lonely
drinking: cranberry juice, the usual
watching: fam guy
temp: 36 F
Still getting over the fact that I am alone again. I think I'm officially done with dating because people are all the same and they always leave. The problem is me. So I am determined to get a job and work hard while saving money at home until I get on my feet by myself. I had a phone interview today and landed 3 more interviews at the local hospital which I am very excited about. Chances are pretty good I'll get one of them, they really were impressed with my resume. For the first time in my life I feel like not running away... I really need this oppurtunity on my resume so I plan to stay here for longer now that I have no more plans to rush back to Washington. I almost have my friend convinced to move back down here with me since we are both from the same hometown (we met later in life though). I know my mom is happy and honestly she needs my love and support. Our family has dwindled down to just us and neither of us have many true friends so all we have is each other. I'm also really proud of myself for going through this incredibly difficult time completely sober. I can't afford alcohol and I have to pass a drug test in order to work so detoxing took about a month. As soon as I get this job though I'm celebrating hard haha. Wish me luck. I'm picking myself up and forcing myself to continue to fight. I've come this fucking far and I'm not going to let another ruined relationship cripple my life again. I'm just done dating. Focus is all on myself. I really want to try DBT therapy as well so I can work on my coping mechanisms and mood swing episodes. So lets see where life takes me the next few months. Should be interesting... or not most likely. I cannot wait to get my tax refund so I can get my PC set back up. Trying to code on this cheap laptop is hell lmao.
Long Time No Type
February 8th, 2025
mood: alone, but healing
drinking: cranpommegranate
watching: everyone is asleep except you
temp: 69 F
Well my dudes, shit hit the fan pretty hard. It hit so hard and splattered every fucking fiber of my being. But here I am, still washing away the pain, hatred and resentment of everything that has occured in the past 2 years. I had to leave Washington for the time being due to mental health concerns and am now staying with my mother. Shit here isn't great either but at least I have someone to help me out while I recover. For now, I'm currently looking for work so I can save up enough to get on my feet again. I hit rock bottom and I don't ever want to be there again. I will NOT allow myself to reach that state again. I think I have given up on love and now I just want a chapter about me and only me. I've always felt like others controlled my life and I believe it is time I take that control back and experience the world how I have always wanted to. Once I save up enough, I plan to get myself a new vehicle (I haven't had a new one in over a decade) and work on my credit a bit before I eventually move back to Washington and find a nice job to settle down somewhere along the coast as close to my pods as I can afford. I realize this is a long and difficult path but its the one I want and it's the one I will fight for. I hope you are all doing well, and I hope life hasn't beaten you down too hard like it has me. I am a different person now, a better one I hope. Much love to you all.