New Life

June 2nd, 2024
mood: happy
watching: gordon ramsey uncharted
drinking: peach tea
temp: 57 F

I realize I haven't updated in a while and here's why. I haven't really been socializing very much lately due to the new guy in my life and we've been inspeperable the past 2 weeks since we started officially dating. He makes me melt and I am enjoying life again. My job is going great, not without its ups and downs bc its a really complicated new thing I'm learning, but overall I'm learning and growing into this new person that I am really starting to like. Nothing but positivity here. I don't know how often I'll be able to update, due to work and new relationship, but I am going to try and get on more especially when I move my computer over to his place since I am always here lol. Hope you guys are doing well xoxo.

Oh My, How Things Change

May 14th, 2024
mood: inspired
watching: fam guy
drinking: water and coffee
temp: 52 F

I haven't updated in a few weeks, I suppose I should start by saying I have a full time job now so updates will be less common lmao. My love life is picking up so thats another time consumer, and keeping up with all my friends lives etc etc. I've just been so busy and I feel actually wanted, even if I do go on 48 hr sleeping binges. (no lie I slept the entire weekend). But with all that comes even better news because I'll be able to stay in Washington now. I'm working directly for a doctor in a small private practice so its very stressful and lots to do but the pay is nice. I'm grateful for what I have. I miss my mom a lot, but hopefully she will be able to stay up here with me for a few weeks to visit but honestly I've got such a busy schedule coming up, I just don't know how we are going to make it work with her life as well. It sucks. A lot. But. I get up and start the day with a smile.. for now. Hope you guys are all doing well xoxo my guestbook is back up on the main page so if you want to leave a comment feel free!

Up and Down

May 2nd, 2024
mood: broken
playing: rdr2
eating: snacks
drinking: orange juice
temp: 49 F

I keep forgetting to update this thing. I've been so distracted with gaming and interviews right and left, I've been on here more but just kind of lurking my own shit adding tasks to the list by the hundreds. I am falling behind on so much shit and I'm truly running out of time. If no one hires me before the next 3 weeks are up, I guess that's gonna be the end of it folks. Either homelessness or death. (I wont go back). I had an interview today though, it went very well, however, I'm not holding my breath anymore. I need to get organzied and figure my shit out. Been talking to new friends and it's preoccupied my time. My sweet, valuable time. My cat has been showing signs of discomfort and I can't afford to get her to the vet which kills me inside. I'm so stressed and distracted, I don't really even know where to begin and everything seems so overwhelming. I've been sleeping so much, and yet I am always tired. Anyway, I doubt anyone reads these. lol.

Life and Pixels

April 17th, 2024
mood: nervous
playing: last of us
watching: blade runner
eating: wendys baked potato
temp: 47 F

This past week has been hell. I'm so mentally exhausted especially after all of this failure. But today I tried to be positive. I cleaned my house and started packing and binging video games and movies with my only friend. I have another interview tomorrow but I mean at this point I'm not even holding my breath anymore. I have put out over 45 applications in the past 4-5 weeks and landed about 6 interviews. STILL NOTHING. On the good news front, I spoke to my landlord who agreed to let me do a half lease because he understands my situation with the broken ankle and not having work etc. That was a huge relief because I thought I was going to have to give my 30 day notice. So at least I don't have to rush to find an apartment as well as a job. Also my mom will be coming up to visit for a few weeks which I am super stoked about because I have been very lonely lately. To the point where I lie on the floor and cry as I dry heave and hyperventilate. The ideations are always looming. Having my mother here will help me a lot as I am still grieving my last failure at life. Every day is hard. But I get through it, one day at a time, hour by hour.

I have a new project in the works though as I have been into pixel art again. It's basically just a new pixel club haha. Still working on the layout and busting more art out on my new laptop with no photoshop. But I should be launching that soon! Be on the lookout for Aquarium Animals!

Birthday Post

April 10th, 2024
mood: content
watching: kill bill 2
eating: coconut cream pie
temp: 56 F

I guess it's my birthday today. Oh boy. I woke up super early today for no reason to run errands all day and now I am so tired that I'll probably go to bed early. Is this what adulthood is? Fuck I am getting old. Also how has it been a year THIS WEEK that I moved to Seattle? I don't know where to time goes yall but cherish it deeply. I ordered some new headphones for the ps5 and got $400 wort of groceries because it's expensive as fuck here. BUT, I did get an email from the job interview I had last week and I am one of the final candidates for the position and will be notified soon. Yall. I need this job so bad you have no idea. I'm one month away from being homeless, and it's slowly pushing me off the edge. When I finally managed to make it out of my bed today, I opened my door to a sweet surprise! My mom got me a spring bouquet of pink flowers and the sweetest birthday note. I really miss my family and I am slowly considering taking a small mental vacation back home to Texas until I can sort my life out. It's my absolute last option because that whole town is full of bad memories and horrible people. But I don't want to dwell on that today. It's my day. And I'm alone. Just another day I suppose. Ain't nothing special about me.

Если не нравится - уходи

March 28th, 2024
mood: weak
playing: hogwarts legacy
listening to: Dudar
temp: 51 F

Well things are certainly not going as hoped. It's been almost 3 months with no job, despite the endless applications sent daily and pointless interviews one after the other. Here I am. I have no control over my life anymore and I feel helpless with no one around. I'm sinking very deep into a situation I may never escape. I cannot afford to live. I can't, I won't, let myself default back. If I go MIA, at least you know why.

I miss you.

Lift Me Up Or Let Me Burn

March 23rd, 2024
mood: self-reliant
eating: garlic stuffed olives
drinking: cranberry juice
listening to: health - demigods
temp: 47 F

I finally snagged 2 job shadow interviews, one of which was on friday. It went pretty well and if I do get this job, my coworker who I'd be sitting with is basically already my best friend. Super laid back place, I just hope I impressed them enough to make the switch from medical clinics to dentistry. Next one is at an orthopedic chain of clinics (probably better benefits) and seems like a better fit for me, but we will see which I like better and if I even get offered the job at all. I'm pretty confident I will find something soon.. I have to be. What else do I have left? I'm at my wits end and I really need something positive to happen in my life before I give up completely. Time to go listen to sad music and update the new layout. Hope yall are doing well, xoxo.

Weekend Drive

March 17th, 2024
mood: hopeful
eating: applesauce
drinking: water
watching: cartoons
temp: 47 F

This weekend was pretty fun. I actually made myself leave the house for some social interaction, which I haven't had in months. Me and an old friend drove around puget sound area, getting a feel for that area that I will probably be moving to. Went out to eat and visited this cool lighthouse I plan to take my mom to when she visits for my birthday next month. I feel pretty good about making friends and forcing myself to follow through with plans for once. I'm such a hermit it fucking drives me crazy. Here are some pics I managed to get, and even got to check out Aquarium Co-op!

First Post of the Post Virus Post

March 14th, 2024
mood: forgotten
eating: ice cream
drinking: water
watching: youtube
temp: 42 F

Well, as I promised, here is my first blog entry on the new site. I'll probably be working on it a lot as I switch to the new layout. Life has been hell and I feel like a burden on everyone. I don't really know what to say other than that so here I guess I will post some screencaps of the games I've been playing lately: