Life and Pixels

April 17th, 2024
mood: nervous
playing: last of us
watching: blade runner
eating: wendys baked potato
temp: 47 F

This past week has been hell. I'm so mentally exhausted especially after all of this failure. But today I tried to be positive. I cleaned my house and started packing and binging video games and movies with my only friend. I have another interview tomorrow but I mean at this point I'm not even holding my breath anymore. I have put out over 45 applications in the past 4-5 weeks and landed about 6 interviews. STILL NOTHING. On the good news front, I spoke to my landlord who agreed to let me do a half lease because he understands my situation with the broken ankle and not having work etc. That was a huge relief because I thought I was going to have to give my 30 day notice. So at least I don't have to rush to find an apartment as well as a job. Also my mom will be coming up to visit for a few weeks which I am super stoked about because I have been very lonely lately. To the point where I lie on the floor and cry as I dry heave and hyperventilate. The ideations are always looming. Having my mother here will help me a lot as I am still grieving my last failure at life. Every day is hard. But I get through it, one day at a time, hour by hour.

I have a new project in the works though as I have been into pixel art again. It's basically just a new pixel club haha. Still working on the layout and busting more art out on my new laptop with no photoshop. But I should be launching that soon! Be on the lookout for Aquarium Animals!

Birthday Post

April 10th, 2024
mood: content
watching: kill bill 2
eating: coconut cream pie
temp: 56 F

I guess it's my birthday today. Oh boy. I woke up super early today for no reason to run errands all day and now I am so tired that I'll probably go to bed early. Is this what adulthood is? Fuck I am getting old. Also how has it been a year THIS WEEK that I moved to Seattle? I don't know where to time goes yall but cherish it deeply. I ordered some new headphones for the ps5 and got $400 wort of groceries because it's expensive as fuck here. BUT, I did get an email from the job interview I had last week and I am one of the final candidates for the position and will be notified soon. Yall. I need this job so bad you have no idea. I'm one month away from being homeless, and it's slowly pushing me off the edge. When I finally managed to make it out of my bed today, I opened my door to a sweet surprise! My mom got me a spring bouquet of pink flowers and the sweetest birthday note. I really miss my family and I am slowly considering taking a small mental vacation back home to Texas until I can sort my life out. It's my absolute last option because that whole town is full of bad memories and horrible people. But I don't want to dwell on that today. It's my day. And I'm alone. Just another day I suppose. Ain't nothing special about me.

Если не нравится - уходи

March 28th, 2024
mood: weak
playing: hogwarts legacy
listening to: Dudar
temp: 51 F

Well things are certainly not going as hoped. It's been almost 3 months with no job, despite the endless applications sent daily and pointless interviews one after the other. Here I am. I have no control over my life anymore and I feel helpless with no one around. I'm sinking very deep into a situation I may never escape. I cannot afford to live. I can't, I won't, let myself default back. If I go MIA, at least you know why.

I miss you.

Lift Me Up Or Let Me Burn

March 23rd, 2024
mood: self-reliant
eating: garlic stuffed olives
drinking: cranberry juice
listening to: health - demigods
temp: 47 F

I finally snagged 2 job shadow interviews, one of which was on friday. It went pretty well and if I do get this job, my coworker who I'd be sitting with is basically already my best friend. Super laid back place, I just hope I impressed them enough to make the switch from medical clinics to dentistry. Next one is at an orthopedic chain of clinics (probably better benefits) and seems like a better fit for me, but we will see which I like better and if I even get offered the job at all. I'm pretty confident I will find something soon.. I have to be. What else do I have left? I'm at my wits end and I really need something positive to happen in my life before I give up completely. Time to go listen to sad music and update the new layout. Hope yall are doing well, xoxo.

Weekend Drive

March 17th, 2024
mood: hopeful
eating: applesauce
drinking: water
watching: cartoons
temp: 47 F

This weekend was pretty fun. I actually made myself leave the house for some social interaction, which I haven't had in months. Me and an old friend drove around puget sound area, getting a feel for that area that I will probably be moving to. Went out to eat and visited this cool lighthouse I plan to take my mom to when she visits for my birthday next month. I feel pretty good about making friends and forcing myself to follow through with plans for once. I'm such a hermit it fucking drives me crazy. Here are some pics I managed to get, and even got to check out Aquarium Co-op!

First Post of the Post Virus Post

March 14th, 2024
mood: forgotten
eating: ice cream
drinking: water
watching: youtube
temp: 42 F

Well, as I promised, here is my first blog entry on the new site. I'll probably be working on it a lot as I switch to the new layout. Life has been hell and I feel like a burden on everyone. I don't really know what to say other than that so here I guess I will post some screencaps of the games I've been playing lately: