Up and Down
May 2nd, 2024
mood: broken
playing: rdr2
eating: snacks
drinking: orange juice
temp: 49 F
I keep forgetting to update this thing. I've been so distracted with gaming and interviews right and left, I've been on here more but just kind of lurking my own shit adding tasks to the list by the hundreds. I am falling behind on so much shit and I'm truly running out of time. If no one hires me before the next 3 weeks are up, I guess that's gonna be the end of it folks. Either homelessness or death. (I wont go back). I had an interview today though, it went very well, however, I'm not holding my breath anymore. I need to get organzied and figure my shit out. Been talking to new friends and it's preoccupied my time. My sweet, valuable time. My cat has been showing signs of discomfort and I can't afford to get her to the vet which kills me inside. I'm so stressed and distracted, I don't really even know where to begin and everything seems so overwhelming. I've been sleeping so much, and yet I am always tired. Anyway, I doubt anyone reads these. lol.
Life and Pixels
April 17th, 2024
mood: nervous
playing: last of us
watching: blade runner
eating: wendys baked potato
temp: 47 F
This past week has been hell. I'm so mentally exhausted especially after all of this failure. But today I tried to be positive. I cleaned my house and started packing and binging video games and movies with my only friend. I have another interview tomorrow but I mean at this point I'm not even holding my breath anymore. I have put out over 45 applications in the past 4-5 weeks and landed about 6 interviews. STILL NOTHING. On the good news front, I spoke to my landlord who agreed to let me do a half lease because he understands my situation with the broken ankle and not having work etc. That was a huge relief because I thought I was going to have to give my 30 day notice. So at least I don't have to rush to find an apartment as well as a job. Also my mom will be coming up to visit for a few weeks which I am super stoked about because I have been very lonely lately. To the point where I lie on the floor and cry as I dry heave and hyperventilate. The ideations are always looming. Having my mother here will help me a lot as I am still grieving my last failure at life. Every day is hard. But I get through it, one day at a time, hour by hour.
I have a new project in the works though as I have been into pixel art again. It's basically just a new pixel club haha. Still working on the layout and busting more art out on my new laptop with no photoshop. But I should be launching that soon! Be on the lookout for Aquarium Animals!
Если не нравится - уходи
March 28th, 2024
mood: weak
playing: hogwarts legacy
listening to: Dudar
temp: 51 F
Well things are certainly not going as hoped. It's been almost 3 months with no job, despite the endless applications sent daily and pointless interviews one after the other. Here I am. I have no control over my life anymore and I feel helpless with no one around. I'm sinking very deep into a situation I may never escape. I cannot afford to live. I can't, I won't, let myself default back. If I go MIA, at least you know why.
I miss you.
Lift Me Up Or Let Me Burn
March 23rd, 2024
mood: self-reliant
eating: garlic stuffed olives
drinking: cranberry juice
listening to: health - demigods
temp: 47 F
I finally snagged 2 job shadow interviews, one of which was on friday. It went pretty well and if I do get this job, my coworker who I'd be sitting with is basically already my best friend. Super laid back place, I just hope I impressed them enough to make the switch from medical clinics to dentistry. Next one is at an orthopedic chain of clinics (probably better benefits) and seems like a better fit for me, but we will see which I like better and if I even get offered the job at all. I'm pretty confident I will find something soon.. I have to be. What else do I have left? I'm at my wits end and I really need something positive to happen in my life before I give up completely. Time to go listen to sad music and update the new layout. Hope yall are doing well, xoxo.
